Connie came to me because she was experiencing problems in relationships. Her current relationship was abusive, as had been several relationships in the past. She was not
happy with her choices in partners, and wanted to understand the mechanics of her choices and to learn how to make
healthier ones. In discussion, we were able to establish that she tended to be attracted to men who needed help
or support. Her maternal instincts kicked in quite strongly so that she was attracted to men who were weak, and
who had not addressed and worked through their own challenges in life, but rather looked to women to sort things
out for them. So we realized that Connie was confusing maternal instincts with partner instincts, which then tended
to set up a mother/son dynamic rather than a partner/partner dynamic. She had also learned to be more tuned into the feelings and needs of others than to her own. She also realized that she had a hard time feeling peaceful if the
people around her were not peaceful. She needed to learn emotional independence from the people she lived with
and spent time with. She became conscious that she had been staying in her abusive relationship hoping that her
partner would change, even though he showed no signs or interest in changing. She needed to make a shift from being
more focused on his needs than on her own; to refocus on her own life and what she needed to do for herself.
Visualization came easily to Connie, so she
was able to quickly move into a relaxed state where
she could observe herself objectively in different situations. She was able to perceive the unconscious underpinnings
of the behaviours she and her partner had adopted with each other. She was also able to track her own unhealthy
responses back to their beginnings in her observation of her parent's relationship. She understood the conclusions
she had come to about men early on in life and to grasp that they were not an accurate representation of men in
Early in the visualization process, Connie
contacted an inner guide who stayed with her throughout her work with me. It was helpful that her guide was male, because the trust she developed with him over time helped
her to reframe her concepts about men. Also, he was able to provide consistent insight into the thoughts and behaviours
of her current and previous partners. This deeper level of insight enabled Connie to understand why she was attracted
to certain men, and why her relationships tended to play out in a similar fashion. During her work with me, Connie
also had several dreams which helped her to understand better what was happening in her daily life. Through interacting
with the images in her dreams, we achieved yet another level of insight into both her relationships and her life
What she realized:
Connie was confusing familiarity with attraction. What was familiar felt normal to her, and there was a sense of relief
in being around what was familiar, vs. the discomfort of the unknown. She needed to learn to distinguish between
what was familiar and what was enlivening. The familiar energy and patterns exhibited by her partners were like
a magnet to her, so therefore she didn't realize until she was well into the relationship that it wasn't going
well. She was confused about why, since the comfort of familiarity was still there. This pattern led her to make
compromises which resulted in her getting short changed, which led to her feeling resentment, which resulted in
constant tension. In becoming conscious of these patterns, she was able to make new choices.
Connie was able to unearth the reasons why
she was making bad choices in her relationships and to be very conscious in her new relationship choices. Using visualization, Connie practiced new behaviours and responses
until she became more comfortable with them. She maintains communication with her inner guide who helps to keep
her on track.
Connie is currently in a satisfying and healthy relationship with a man who respects and values her.
|"Never grow a wishbone daughter, where
your backbone ought to be."
|"I felt going through things about
my relationship with you really took some of the stress off me - in particular those things that I was embarrassed
or ashamed about. I trusted you completely, and you were easy to talk to."